Time flies

A wee 14 month blog break. I'm almost halfway through my fifth year of teaching in Seattle, and winter break just began, giving me some time to check up on this blog and other things that have accumulated dust.

Oregon relationship petered out shortly after the last blog post. I still think about her every now and then, wondering what could have happened differently. Probably not much.

I joined a lifelong friend for a section on the Pacific Crest Trail this summer. He and another friend did the whole hike, from Mexico to Canada. I joined them in Central Oregon for 96 miles in 92 hours, or thereabouts. The pace was a little ridiculous, but the terrain wasn't too bad--mostly flat. We had a lot of time to talk on the trail, and the topic of relationships came up. He is married with no kids at the moment. We talked about what we look for in a partner, and he brought up something that I had never really considered. My things were pretty straightforward: good sense of humor, nice, attractive, smart, sporty (and I think in that order, for me).

He mentioned "an adventuresome spirit" is something that he really enjoys that his wife has. That kind of blew me away, because I hadn't considered that a trait, and it absolutely is, and a very important one at that.

Everyone has their own goals and values and priorities and all that. Right now I am up to my neck in teaching and coaching, and I am loving it. I'm loving it to the point that I don't really have time for a relationship, or at least the kind of relationship I'd like to have (where I can spend meaningful time with the person). I know the draw of a relationship will intensify with time, but regardless of how busy I am, I always like the idea of an adventure--whether it is a long travel, a quick bike ride around Greenlake, or a day hike. I think I'll always find time to fit those adventures in.

Where'd Summer Go?

Summer didn't necessarily go by fast for me this year.  It seems like it did now, but that's only because teaching has started up again and that first month of teaching freaking flew by.  Honestly can't believe it has already been a month.

I thought I would probably be down in Oregon this summer, living with the girlfriend, but that didn't quite work out.  No good story to tell really, other than we weren't ready for the jump.  I thought I was, which made things, and continue to make things, a bit strained between us, but we're still trying to figure things out.  We're at a very interesting point right now, where it would be easiest to just part ways and call our situations too difficult to make compatible--but we're also in love, so we don't really want to give that up.  Love hurts? Long distance sucks?  We'll see.

Motivation is a big part of teaching, and it seems to be an equally large part of me writing.  I had the entire summer to write and maybe wrote two pages worth.  I was just watching the below video and felt incredibly motivated to write.  I really love it when, well, anybody really, but more so when masters of their craft are genuinely excited and performing at 100% and impressing one another.  It can be music, it can be other forms of entertainment, or even a parent.  I don't think giving 100% is really feasible, that is what leads to burnout, unhealthiness, accidents and injuries.  But those uncommon moments when people do give 100% can be truly remarkable, like beginning at 3:20 in the below video.  I wouldn't recommend skipping any of the video, but Clapton's solo, followed by the pianist, and their accompanying smiles makes my day.

True Character Quiz

This thought just popped into my head:

How would your exes describe you?

Dating exes or marriage exes, either works. It seems hard to paint a pretty picture, doesn't it? This seems to get at the core of who you are, not just in the good times, but also the bad.

I think some of my different exes probably have very different impressions of me, maybe because I was too young, immature and inexperienced when I met them. My more recent exes I'm curious about, but my best guess is that they think:

I'm smart and have the occasional witty funny line.
I play too many video games.
I'm not the best at romance (been a long time since I bought anyone flowers!).
I like cats.
I can be confusing and am often confused.
I over-think things.

Relationshit Interlude

This photo challenge has morphed my blog from writing to pictures, which I'm not entirely sure I like or dislike. On the one hand, most of these pictures instantly remind me of so many aspects of that particular week or trip. On the other hand, one purpose for this blog is to practice my writing and to become a better writer, and I'm not sure pictures are going to accomplish these goals.

Not being sure of things has been a common theme over the years for me, and this week was no different. I've had an amazing time with Caitie over the past six or seven weeks, we've done a ton of awesome things together and made a bunch of friends. We share more similarities than any of my past girlfriends. We met playing frisbee, we've been on a few hikes, we like to read the same books, listen to similar music, share the same humor... it was easy.

But something was missing. I'm not really sure what to call it, I guess a "spark" is the closest I have come. There wasn't much of a spark in the relationship for me, and it started to nag at me. Here I am, with a cute, smart, funny and athletic woman... the woman I thought would be perfect for me... and she wasn't. She's probably perfect for the rest of the guys in the world, but for some reason I'm missing something, and I don't really know what that thing is.

Being so comfortable with someone seems to sap the excitement out of a relationship for me. Having this happen less than two months into the relationship scared me enough to think getting out now is the best idea. Eerily similar to one of my first girlfriends, but opposite roles. We hadn't had a single fight, then one night she says she doesn't think it is going to work out. I was not angry that she didn't like me (she did), or angry because I really liked her, I think I was angry because it came out of nowhere and I really had no control. I was sad that she didn't think it would work, especially when I thought it did. I still like Caitie, but I figure being truthful about my feelings is the best option, because I really do not want to hurt her any more than I already have, later down the line.

It hurts now. I haven't been able to think straight. I don't like seeing people hurt, especially not when I'm the one inflicting the pain. I don't regret anything, I'm glad we spent the time together that we did, and I'm glad I was able to tell her how I felt this afternoon. I think I made the right decision, however much it sucks for now, but I'm not really sure.

Figuring Stuff Out

Being almost 28 and single, a lot of my time is spent thinking about relationships. My three close friends, friends since 1st grade, are all married. Two of them have young children, and I can't help but feel jealous of where they are at in their lives. They each have an amazing woman in their life to share their experiences with, and two have a clear purpose.

I'm jealous of my friends because they are in a position I wish I was in. I wish I had found a woman to share my life with by now. I wish I had a clear purpose, whether that be a child, the likelihood of a child, a spouse, or even a steady career. Right now I am single, without kids, substitute teaching, with very little keeping me in one place other than the gigantic fact that this is where I want to be.

I have younger friends who are traveling the world, and I wonder why I'm not doing the same. Italy, Alaska, Central and South America, Singapore--I would love to go to all of those places, and with a substitute teaching schedule I can go, so why not? One part of me realizes that I have already "gotten out" in my earlier 20s. I moved up and down the West Coast, living in Sacramento, Portland, Nevada City and Zephyr Cove on the shores of Lake Tahoe. I had an amazing time living in different places, and experiencing (slightly) different cultures than the one I grew up in. Eventually, I came to the realization that although moving around was fun, I really wasn't accomplishing anything, and I was ready to. I also missed my friends and family. My friends were settling down and starting families, and my parents weren't getting any younger. I wanted to spend my time with the people in my life I cared about.

So here I am in Seattle nearly three years later. I have my teaching cert, but my teaching career isn't off the tarmac yet. Friends are popping out babies, but I haven't found anyone to join that brigade yet. I'm in the odd late-20s stage where I'm not interested in short-term relationships, but also weirded out by thinking about marriage on the first few dates. I notice wedding rings now--maybe the first sign of "getting old".

This rambling on and on about life and relationships has pretty much been clogging up my head since January, but something clicked last week, which is still being absorbed into my thick skull. I met an old couple-friend of mine from Tacoma last week. Their wedding was my first ever wedding, back in 2005, and I hadn't seen them since. I looked them up on Facebook a few weeks ago (an interesting story in and of itself), and we watched Survivor together last Thursday night. It was a great night, and it was as if our friendship hadn't skipped a beat. They purchased a house in Seattle, and also have a 2yr old baby now. I was happy for them at the same time as being a bit depressed in my single, childless, non-house-owning persona.

And then I realized...

Dave would kill to be where I'm at right now. Marc, Andrew, Tyler... any of those guy friends of mine who are married and have kids or have purchased a house together with their spouse... they would all kill to have my life. Maybe just for a day, or maybe a week, but having the pressure of a wife, a kid, and a house all squarely on your shoulders, 24/7, that is a draining pressure. Seeing me rolling in on my motorcycle, having just spent the afternoon killing time riding around North Seattle, stopping at a dive bar for a burger and a pint. That is something I can do any day of the week. I don't think Dave has had the time to "kill time" for the last four years, what with house remodels and a new child.

It really just comes down to the old "Grass is Greener" adage. I would love to have a wife and a kid right now. My friends would love the freedom and carefree life I have. When I finally realized this, leaving Dave and Jenny's last week, a smile crept across my face as I put my motorcycle helmet on. I know sooner or later I'll find the right woman to spend the rest of my life with, we'll buy a house and hopefully have a child or two. That is what I want, but it doesn't have to be right now. I always thought 30 would be a good time to start settling down, so I'm nowhere near panic mode. Dad had me when he was 40! Plenty of time!

Until then, I need to live it up. This doesn't mean spend all my money traveling, but it does mean that I need to realize and utilize the freedom and carefreeness of my current lifestyle, because I know it won't last much longer.

I need to visit Alaska soon.

I need to get out hiking and camping as much as possible.

I need to plan ahead and take classes during the summer if I am not teaching, to work towards my masters and possibly a high-school teaching cert.

These three things are absolutely and easily attainable for me right now. If I had a wife and kid, imagine how much more difficult any of these would be. I could go to Alaska Air right now and buy a plane ticket for tomorrow if I wanted to. I'm not going to, because I have a fun weekend of camping already planned with friends! Not a bad life I lead right now, not bad at all, and I'm not sure why I've been having trouble seeing that these past few months.

Crazy Girl or Dream Girl?

Last we left our hero, he had sworn off crazy dream girl as being crazy. He was confident in his solitude and smiled to himself that it was she who would be missing out, and not the other way around. But she has returned.

Chapter Two:

An apology letter arrived in his mailbox, with crazy dream girl apologizing for her silent treatment the past few weeks, citing that she didn't know what to do in that awkward situation. Knowing that the thing with her and my teammate had ended the week before, I was willing to give her another shot...

We talked earlier in the week about getting together, and settled on Wednesday for a walk around Greenlake. We would both already be in Seattle around 3pm, and the weather forecast looked nice. I hustle down to Seattle from subbing in Everett, texting her at 2:30pm, letting her know I should be in Seattle by 3pm and asking her where we should meet up. She gets back to me at 3:30pm, saying that she worked from home today and that her meeting had been rescheduled for next week. This pissed me off a bit, because she could have let me know earlier in the day so I didn't rush down to Seattle right after school. I end up spending the rest of the afternoon and evening rock climbing, playing racquetball and ultimate frisbee--so the night wasn't a waste, it just wasn't exactly where I wanted to be spending my time. As I'm rock climbing, she and I text back and forth about plans for Thursday night. She wants me to come out there, and I say sure, but she has to cook something up. She counters that I need to bring the wine.

Thursday rolls around, and I'm excited for the evening. I sub in Seattle and have a great day, kind of giddy for the evening and full of positive energy. I wait around in Seattle, waiting for her to get off work. She sends me a text around 6pm, saying that she is tired from work and wants to know if we can go out for dinner instead of her cooking. I had boughten a nice bottle of wine, and was looking forward to sharing it and having some nice, home-cooked food--but instead I drive over to her area and don't mention the wine.

I have some fun with her on my arrival. The only other time we had met up in that area, she suggested parking in a specific location, where she said there are always spots available. I decide to park in another location and see if I can surprise her. She bombards me with texts while I find parking, so I know she has already parked and is waiting for me to arrive before heading into the restaurant. I know the unique car she drives, so it is easy to spot. She wants to know where I am, and I joke about starting a scavenger hunt. Eventually she texts, "I want to look out of my car and see you." And I text, "Look left."

Dinner is great, conversation is great. We talk about all sorts of things. Life, work, relationships, the future--all that good stuff. The waitress brings us the bill and crazy dream girl says, "Oh, I guess she doesn't think we want another drink." We head over to the dive bar across the street and grab a pitcher of cheap beer and stake out the pool table. Two guys are playing, and I challenge the two of them to play her and I. One guy ends up leaving, and crazy dream girl recruits a young lady from the bar to play with the other guy against us.

I catch fire, knocking in four of our striped balls before accidentally knocking in two of their solids... oops... on my first time to the table. Next shot of ours, she also knocks in one of their balls, so she can't mock me too much after that. We end up winning when their guy knocks in the 8-ball out of turn when they've still got five balls on the table to our none. Crazy dream girl and I play a game afterwards, with driver to the cabin this weekend on the line. I'm cruising to victory when she starts distracting me from the pool game with kisses. She tells me I'm a pretty good kisser. I quickly get disinterested in the pool game and we call it a draw. An hour later 11:00pm rolls around, and we decide to call it a night, both having to work the next day, but plan on either going up to the cabin or getting out on a hike this weekend. I walk her back to her car and we say goodnight. When I get home I have three texts from her, saying she is trying to stay awake until I get home. I let her know I'm home, and she sends a picture-message of her and her dog cuddled in bed--cute and sexy.

Friday I sub back up in Everett, and I'm on cloud nine all day. It is a class I have subbed for many times before, and I get a really good breakthrough with two difficult boys that rarely ever do work. We are working on problems together, and it takes a lot of effort from me to focus most of my attention on these two kids, but also keep the rest of the class working, but I feel like my energy reserves are limitless, even on just 5 hours of sleep. Crazy dream girl and I didn't have any set plans yet, but we had talked about heading up to the cabin Friday afternoon/evening, and if we did that I wanted as early a start as possible. I let her know when I get done teaching, around 2:30pm. She gets back to me at 3:30pm, saying that she is going out to happy hour with her new VP and boss (she just got a promotion at work), and that she will let me know when she's done. I take this to mean she wants to hang out tonight.

6pm rolls around, and I get a call from Will, asking if I am heading to a birthday party down in Tacoma, and if he and his girlfriend can get a ride. I tell him the Tacoma party is my Plan B, and I'm pretty sure I'll be busy, but I tell him I will give him a call at 7pm and let him know if my plans have fallen through. I text crazy dream girl at 6:30pm and tell her I would like to hang out, but if she's got other plans I'm going down to Tacoma at 7pm. She gets back to me quickly, saying that she has just left happy hour and is heading home. I take this to mean that we'll be hanging out soon, so I text Will back, saying I won't be able to give him a ride. She texts me, letting me know when she gets home, but that is all she says. I give her 15 minutes, then wonder what is up for the evening. She says that she is tired, and thinks she's going to just stay in for the rest of the night.

This rattles me, because again I think she could have been much more clear earlier, instead of having me wait for five hours. In hindsight, maybe she was wanting to hang out and then changed her mind when she got home and felt tired, I don't know. I tell her it wasn't cool to keep me in the dark. I call Will back and see if he and his lady still want to go down to Tacoma, he says sure, and the three of us head down shortly thereafter. On the drive down, she texts me and says sorry, and that it wasn't her intention to leave me in the dark, but she couldn't turn down happy hour with her new VP and boss. I tell her I understand and would have done the same thing. I'm not mad that she had happy hour, I'm mad at the lack of communication--but I don't know if I ever get that point across. Again, a fun night, but not my first pick of who I want to be spending my time with.

I wake up Saturday and send her a text, wondering if she wants to BBQ tonight. A few hours later she gets back to me and says that I was pretty harsh last night. I apologize, although feel a little bit like a bitch, because I feel like my point is valid. A few hours later I text her again asking her if she wants to come over and BBQ. No response. Haven't heard from her since. Been here before.

The little romantic angel on my shoulder says "Fight for her!" but the little rational angel says "Don't be her bitch! She's treating you like shit!"

It really just comes down to communication, and I think I did a crappy job of both communicating and reading too much into what she was saying. I want to talk about it with her, but now she is ignoring me, and I'm not going to bother trying to call her if she has ignored me for the past few days. For a communications major, she kind of sucks at communicating. The second time being ignored isn't as bad as the first time, because I knew what I was getting into the second time around. If a fun night of pecking and pool is the only thing to come out of this second go around, I'm fine with that, but it isn't what I want.

I'm sad/mad because I want to be spending time with her and I'm not. I'm not sure she understands that, or if she cares. She's got the power to make me feel like a billion bucks, but also to feel terrible. I'm not sure if that is a good thing, or me just being a silly boy. Working on Friday was amazing though, and I had a huge smile on my face pretty much all day.

The Notebook

I finally saw The Notebook tonight. I've posted this YouTube link before a year or two ago on this blog, but after actually seeing the movie, this quick video is even more powerful.



Great movie on a lonely Monday night. I especially enjoyed the scenes where the couple contemplated their future, and that theme seemed to take up quite a bit of time in the movie. There are so many questions when two people fall in love, wondering if it will all work out. How do you truly know if someone loves you? Watching The Notebook makes me want to write a waiting to happen love story, because that is where I'm at right now. I've loved, I've liked for primarily physical reasons, I've stayed when the love was gone, and I've lost. Right now I'm searching and waiting. I could meet her anywhere.

It would be fun to write a story about where I'm at, and I'm sure where many other men and women find themselves as well. Wanting love, lusting for love, knowing it will happen sooner or later, but the longer we wait, the more impatient we become. It is sad to think about two people across the hall from each other, both looking for love, but neither wanting to take the first step. It is funny to think back to the times I've taken the first step and failed miserably. There is a pretty cute barista a friend of mine has the hots for, and I really hope one day he'll go up to her while she's working and ask her out to coffee... then smack his head and say "Stupid!" ala Chris Farley. I think that could get him a date.

In updated news, crazy dream girl is definitely crazy. She showed up to the super bowl party with her new boyfriend, which was a bit awkward, seeing how the last time we talked she was kissing me... then cut off communication. I tried to ignore her, but ended up being civil and joking it up with the two of them. After halftime, crazy dream girl came and sat down on the arm of the couch next to me and said she was sorry. Then she said her and her new boyfriend weren't dating, and that she would really like to get away with me sometime soon... so the guy she was calling "baby" all afternoon and kissing... she didn't consider herself dating... ??? I told her it would be fun to get outdoors, but that she is fucking psycho and although I'm sure the sex would be great, no thanks crazy bitch!

The Times Are A Changin'

Taking up most of my waking and sleeping moments over the past week have been substitute teaching, my lady friend moving to Jordan for 10 months in a few days, and Pearl Jam.

Here is a track called "The Fixer", which has been out on the radio waves for a month or two:



There is also a making of the CD YouTube clip, but embedding was disabled by the band:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hauSDYyJ6ck

A big reason why Pearl Jam has been taking up my thoughts is that I broke down and bought two tickets to the Monday show at Key Arena. The show on Monday kicks off their world tour for the new CD. I've only seen them once live before, and it is far and away the best concert I have ever been to. When I first heard of the Seattle show at Key Arena, I was a bit disappointed in the venue, but like my housemate says, "If my favorite band was playing a show in Seattle, I'd go see them."

Jordan lady friend is joining me for the show. We're in a pretty weird spot right now. About a month ago, we finally discussed her move to Jordan for 10 months, and we decided to break things off. A big weight was lifted from the relationship, as things were starting to get a little serious, as she was tossing around three words that I did not reciprocate. With a foreseeable end of the relationship in sight (her move), we have started having more fun, but there is some hollowness to it. I think everything will work out for the best, but breaking up amiably is hard to do, and I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it.

Ironically, my housemate looks to be starting his first relationship since I have known him. There was a bounce in his step today, and the two of them are both in his room right now with a mumble of laughter here and there. Beginnings are so much fun. I love where the two of them are at right now. In the first few days of a relationship, where the two of you can literally be in a room for an entire day and have no desire to be anywhere else. All of your attention and all of your desire is confined within a 10'x10' room, yet the room doesn't seem confining because there is so much to learn about each other.

Substitute teaching last week was a lot of fun. I am struggling on whether I should write anonymously about my teaching experience, or if I should start a very public blog to join the online teaching community of teacher-bloggers. I am leaning towards doing both. Writing about the juicy details of subbing seems like a lot more fun, and might be fodder for this blog. I could also start a professional-style blog concerning more of the theoretical and practical aspects of teaching, and not the unprofessional juicy details.

My Friday assignment was canceled at the school when I showed up. The secretary said sorry about the mix up and called the substitute office and got me paid 4 hours for my trouble. I moto'd back home and got paid to play WoW Friday morning, then housemate and I hiked Lake Serene and jumped in the often snowed over lake. On the way back home we stopped at this Reptile BBQ along US-2 and it was amazing, I'll definitely be stopping there again either this winter or next summer--hopefully sooner than later.

500 and change

More pictures for Waffles!!!!111!!!1!! This post has a little bit of everything, heck, it is 4am, what else have I got to do?

Keeping track of post numbers is a bit frivolous, seeing how I have numerous blogs, and blogs that have been transferred between Livejournal, WordPress and Blogger. That aside, this is number 500, baby! There have been some mundane happenings this week for me, and knowing that the next post would be #500 kept me from posting. Funny that I finally get inspiration to post the big #500 at 2:36am on Friday morning... I'm fresh off a big downswing in poker and a break up, and I'm ready to make some changes.

Erin and I talked by the river and half-heartedly agreed to end things. I went into the afternoon discussion with full intentions of breaking things off, but I think the consensus we came to is that Erin leaves for Jordan at the end of September, and we'll go our separate ways then. I feel a bit weird about the whole thing. Right after the "break up", I actually felt a lot more attracted to her than the past month or so, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we can have fun, but I don't feel responsible for all of the "bad" things about having a relationship (i.e. loss of freedom, having to do things, blah blah). With a few days since our talk, I've been feeling very lonely, and that isn't a feeling I was expecting. It feels amazing to be loved, and I now realize how much I love the security of being in a relationship, but this new realization makes me think I was more interested in a relationship than in a relationship with specifically Erin, and although it sucks to admit, it seems like a good thing to admit now than later.

In a possibly related note, I've become hip to Blues Traveler again, fresh off a 15 year hiatus from listening to the band:



I've downloaded four of their songs, and this band is amazing... anyways, back to the juicy stuff.

The "break up" is a catalyst for some other changes in my life. I will be moving out of my parents' basement in a couple of weeks, and there is definitely some anxiety along with the move. I'm moving in with a friend from the teaching program, who I don't know terribly well, but the living situation is hard to beat. His parents moved to Dominica, a small island SE of Cuba, and he is staying at their house near Mill Creek. The house is huge, and it is just us two sharing the 4br 3ba house, my rent being $450+util, which is equivalent to sharing a house with five others and having 1/5 of a bathroom in Seattle.

I've spent the last month pretty much being a worthless slob. I've gotten out and taken a few pictures, and I will continue to get out, but I've spent way too many hours sitting in front of my computer with gmail and facebook open, waiting for something to happen. I've made a few goals for August involving spending my time more productively (specifically on the job front). Another goal involves normalizing my sleep schedule. The heat wave Seattle has been in for the past few days has encouraged me to stay up late and sleep in until past noon, when the room warms up and makes it impossible to sleep. Last night I went to bed at 5am and woke up at 2pm today, mostly because I didn't have anything to do. I don't really like not having anything to do.

Speaking of the heat wave, two crazy things of note. First, I went down to Magnuson Park last night with my mom's cousin's foreign exchange student Peter, who was passing through on his journey of the US. Seattle hit 103 degrees, and Magnuson Park had cars parked all the way up to Sand Point Way. I've never seen so many cars parked there, there were literally five times as many cars as I think I've ever seen there before.

The second crazy heat happening occurred this afternoon right before softball. I rode my motorcycle to the UW Bookstore to possibly purchase a few middle school math books that could help my first year of teaching, or substitute teaching. I ended up finding a good book by none other than Danica Mckeller, or Winnie from The Wonder Years!



The reason I purchased this book is that her experience with math up until the 8th grade is the complete opposite of mine. I was amazing at math, and it came very easily to me. Most of my students won't have that same experience with math, and Danica's book expresses very real ideas of fear and frustration with middle school math. It is mostly focused for girls, but that works, because she gives plenty of examples on how to relate math concepts into terms that tween girls might understand, and I would never think to consider.

Flipping through the book, I came to a section on factoring, and Danica uses friendship bracelets and beading to explain factors. Say you are making a friendship bracelet and you have 16 onyx beads and 10 sapphire beads. In order to make a design or pattern for the necklace, you need to see how the beads can be divided. How many different groups can you make with the 16 onyx beads? Well, you could make 16 groups of 1 bead each, or you could make 8 groups of 2 beads each, or 4 groups of 4 beads each. How can we split up the 10 sapphire beads? Now which groups should we use to make the bracelet (this is up to you!) Guess what, you just factored!

Something feels a bit weird about a book written by a former child star, who graduated with a mathematics degree from UCLA, and is focusing on spreading the word to girls that being smart is sexy. I mean, the message is great, but also looking like this is sexy:





The fact that she relates the fear of a middle school math test to getting a bikini wax scares me a bit. If I have this book in my math class library, I'd like to place a bet on whether the girls or the guys will look through the book more (and no, she does not have scantily clad pictures of herself in the book, well... besides the cover's low V-cut).

OK, I got way off on a tangent there (not a co-tangent, mind you). What I was initially going to say is about the Seattle heat wave. When I left the book store and made it out to the parking lot where I left my motorcycle, which had been in the shade, I noticed that the Honda Ruckus parked next to me had its center stand melted into the blacktop of the parking lot. It was crazy! I thought maybe the Ruckus had been there a long time and nobody actually used it, because it was parked there when I arrived two hours earlier. Then I looked at my bike, and my side stand had punched through (melted through?) the black top. There was a hole about an inch deep in the black top, and I was scared that I wouldn't be able to get my side stand up out of the hole. I was actually pretty lucky, because I parked on a slight decline, and if the bike had tipped over a few more inches, it would have crashed down on top of the Ruckus. I was able to lift the bike's side stand back up through the hole in the black top. I never thought it would get hot enough in Seattle to have my steel side stand melt a hole through blacktop.

Confused Again. Need Waffle-guidance, stat.

Never a good title. Lots going on in my mind these days. Not working and not going to school during the summer leaves me with a lot of free time, and I'm not sure if that is a good thing.

I'm trying to store up as much energy and create as many positive memories as I can during the summer to last me through Seattle's 10-month rainy season. I've been out hiking at least one day each of the past three weeks, which was a little goal of mine when summer started. It really is beautiful up in the mountains, and hiking has a way of clearing my head to prioritize what it is I really need to be working on when I get back to the city.

This Monday I returned to Leavenworth, this time with Chelsey and Mary Ann. Chelsey actually works Mondays, but from 4am to 10am as a barista, so as soon as she got off, the three of us headed up highway 2 to Leavenworth. We stopped at Sultan Bakery, and they didn't believe my ranting and raving about the place until our meal came. I split a breakfast sandwich with Chelsey, and she was a bit skeptical about not having enough to eat until her half of the sandwich arrived. We were all stuffed for the next 60 or so miles of the drive.

Turned out to be a classic car show in Leavenworth on Monday, and Chelsey is a big car and motorcycle buff, so she checked them out while Mary Ann and I acted like we knew the difference between the cars besides color (which I still had trouble with). We got gelato, then headed to the river and shotgunned beers. It wasn't pretty. Well, Mary Ann and Chelsey were pretty, but not me. I think I downed the beer in under a minute, which might be a new world's worst shotgun record.

After the river, which was a little too fast and too cold to swim in, we headed to the other side of Icicle Rd. and Chelsey and I did a bit of rock climbing. I had climbed here a little over eight years ago, as a freshman in college. I remember driving out at night, with snow on the ground in February, and camping in the snow while Becky tried to put the moves on me, to which I refuted (I was an innocent freshman).

Mary Ann soaked in some rays as Chelsey and I climbed up the side of the mountain looking for slabs of rock to climb, with beers and cameras in hand. Chelsey would find a rock to climb and I would use her camera to take pictures. Then I would find a rock and she would do the same for me:





I had a good view. I think Chelsey captioned her photo as "looking for a hand hold." I see a good hand hold... yeah. The climbing was fun, but I was going barefoot, which made it very difficult.

The three of us headed back to Seattle and stopped for a quick dip in the Wenatchee River on the way. We hung out again at Eddie's house last night, along with his friend Arez, who he met growing up in Toronto. I'll be living with Eddie at his parents' house in a month or so. Eddie's parents moved to Dominica last month, and will be staying for a year or two, so Eddie is holding down the fort and I'm helping. The house is ridiculously nice, with 3-4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, and I'll be paying $450/month plus utilities to have my own room, a spare room, my own bathroom, and a spare bathroom in case I stop up mine! Jackpot! We're out in the burbs, which isn't so bad because my likely teaching job will be out in the burbs, too.

Erin is back from Italy, and things are all sorts of confusing. She leaves for a 10-month stint in Jordan in September. If she left today, I think we'd probably split and see if we're still single when she returns to start anything serious. But with two months between now and her move, we have time to get to know each other better, to a point where we might want to stay together during her time in Jordan. 10 months and many thousand miles scares me. Erin scares me. Heck, I scare me!

I'm confused again about relationships in general. A lot of the marriages and relationships I see around me are pretty good for the most part. My parents are still together after what.. 50-60 years now, is it? (haha) All of my good friends' parents have stayed together. My three best friends are married, and they all seem to have found great mates.

My current confusion is that I think Erin would be great as well, I don't doubt this, but I also think there are plenty of other women out there that would be better. I've been hanging out with Chelsey more since summer began, and she is dream-girl material. Plays on a soccer and softball team. Just obtained teaching cert. Loves to travel. Has the same humor. Loves beer. Loves hiking. Loves motorcycles and old cars. Is a model. Pretty much out of my league, but she also seems like such a better match.

What scares me is that if I continue to think this way, I'll never be satisfied. Say I ditch Erin and then Chelsey and I get together. What happens when someone who is a better match than Chelsey comes along? The other obvious hurdle is Erin thinks I'm a great match for her, and I think Chelsey is a great match for me, and Chelsey thinks Waffles is a better match for her, and Waffles thinks The Wife is a better match for him, and The Wife thinks Betty is a better match for her... the cycle is endless! Madness!!

I feel like I should have learned this lesson in high school, but alas, I did not date in high school!

Spilling the Beans (Juicy Mega-post)

My loyal readership (my mom) called me out for pulling a Schaefer (i.e. not posting for a while). The reason I have not posted since Feb. 18 is not due to lack of action in my life, in fact, quite the opposite. In honor of my poker playing brothers Cayne and Doc. Chako, I shall begin with bullet points. Since Feb. 18, I have:

--Started a relationship
--Fallen for someone else
--Hiked to Scenic Hot Springs (with a college friend I have not seen in five years)
--Played hookie and gone powder-day skiing
--Lost 4" of my hair
--Hosted a teaching cohort poker night
--Ended a relationship

All while taking six classes and teaching two days a week. Not much time to blog, and I've got a huge project due Tuesday that I should be starting now.

Let's begin at the top. This post roughly details how Erin and I met. It was spontaneous and magical, in a way. I had no expectations of anything happening when I invited her over to watch Survivor, heck, I was pretty sure she was still in a relationship. She wasn't, and I felt like a gift had just been dropped in my lap, and I went for it. Turns out she had a small crush on me, and fireworks ensued.

Then something weird happened. I've never been in a situation or relationship where when we are together, everything is nearly perfect, but when other people are around I can't stand her, or when we aren't together, I don't spend time thinking about her. She is almost my dream girl when it is just the two of us, but when other people are around, she reminds me way too much of Stacey. The personality traits that I like, are the same ones that I can't stand. Erin is opinionated and wears her heart on her sleeve, but she tends to piss a lot of people off. When we aren't together, I think of reasons why we aren't going to last, and why I should try and break the relationship off.

To spice things up, two days after Erin and I first hook up, I rode my motorcycle down to Georgetown to play pickup ultimate. I run into Wynne and Lora from the Tacoma team, who I haven't seen in months. Wynne is playing on Riot now, and another Riot woman, Surge, is there. We get to talking, and it turns out Surge was one of two people that rode up to Stevens with Michelle the day I first met Michelle skiing with Jeremy and Sam. I invited her to go skiing the next weekend and she turned me down. This was before Erin, and I was pretty sure Michelle wasn't interested. Talking with Surge and Wynne, apparently I was wrong.

Surge says, "Oh! You're the guy that could keep up skiing with Michelle, she was talking all about you on the drive home!"

This, two days after Erin and I hook up. God damn it. Wynne and Surge ask if I'm in a relationship, and I say, "Does two days count?" Wynne and Surge now are on a mission to hook Michelle and I up. Two hours after pickup that Saturday, I get a text from Michelle, wanting to know if I want to go skiing on President's Day. The day of skiing was an unexpectedly good day, and I actually got up to the mountain before Michelle left from Seattle. I found some good snow and let Michelle know that it was worth the drive. As soon as I texted her, I headed in for lunch and hammered out a homework assignment on my laptop, knowing we'd ski hard all afternoon. Productive and fun ski day, who'da thunk it?

So I'm seeing Erin, and loving the time we spend together, but when we're not together I'm thinking about Michelle. Other people in the teaching cohort are starting to gossip about Erin and I, and it is getting a bit weird. I'm not willing to jump into a relationship with Erin 100%, because of where my head is at when we're not together, and my indecision only stirs the rumor mill in the cohort, making things more awkward.

Last weekend, I get a bit of a reprieve from my whorish ways. Jenna and Andy, newlyweds from Beaver, WA, come over to the city. Shannon also comes up from Tacoma, and I have not seen her since graduation day, five years ago. Shannon, Jenna and I were dorm friends from the first semester of college. We went on December trips to Whistler, and a spring break ski trip to Colorado. It was great to see them again, and we played cards (we played a ton of cards in college) Friday night. Saturday, we hiked to Scenic Hot Springs, a hot springs that is private and apparently not open to the public. The hot springs actually has its own blog, and the latest blog entry at the time was that the hot springs are "running cold." That isn't what you want to hear when you've never been to the springs before, and will be spending the majority of your day driving and hiking to the springs.

We missed the forest service road our first drive by, and really had no clue how to get to the hot springs. Shannon had the brilliant idea of taking a digital photo of the google map before we left, so if we got lost we could always check the map on the camera. We checked the map a few times and knew a clear-cut for the big power lines were south of us, and that we needed to cross that clear-cut, so we started tromping through the snowy forest. Absolutely no trail to follow. We eventually find the road and footprints in the snow to follow up to the hot springs.

The hike was difficult. It was steep, and the trail was a combination of ice and powder. If you stuck to the footprints, you'd be on ice, but if you didn't use the foot prints, you'd have to hike up in a foot of powder, which makes hiking uphill a grunt. We were rewarded, though:



I snapped this photo on the way out. Jenna, Andy and Shannon are standing next to the hot springs, which is tucked into the snowy hillside. The hillside overlooks the Stevens Pass basin, and is really an incredible spot. When we got to the hot springs, there was a couple already there, who turned out to be two of the hot springs' caretakers. Randi and Matt were incredibly nice people, and they gave us the lowdown on the hot springs rules, and how as long as people are respectful of the hot springs (i.e. follow the rules and pack their garbage out), they are welcome.

We make it back to Seattle and pretty much just crash. I think we went out to the Duchess for dinner, but we ended up hitting the post UW basketball crowd of dooshes. Eventually they left, and we got to play some shuffleboard, which Andy and I dominated. We walked home, Shannon left for Tacoma, and Jenna, Andy and I watched "The World is Not Enough" on whatever station plays Bond movies all the time (TBS?). Andy and Jenna left the next morning after walking up to a cafe for breakfast. It turns out that Shannon is pretty big into rock climbing and mountaineering with her boyfriend, and they have a ton of random gear (including two spear-fishing poles?!), so hopefully I can get up rock climbing with them this spring and summer.

Reprieve from soap-opera life aside, Michelle invited me to go skiing Thursday. The problem with skiing on Thursdays is that I am supposed to teach a class of 4th graders on Thursdays. But... but!! the snow report says a foot of powder. What do you do? What DO you do? I chose to ski. I concocted a ridiculous scheme to get out of school Thursday, which included scratching my back non-stop through our Wednesday teacher after-school meeting. Steve was sitting right beside me, and eventually says, "Chris, you're scratching like crazy, you alright?" Thanks for picking up on the bait, fishy! "Oh yeah, I'm fine, just itches like crazy." At 7pm I give Steve a call on his cell phone and say, "Steve, it turns out that itch is a big rash! I haven't had a rash since I was 12 and had an allergic reaction to penecillin. The rash has spread up the side of my neck and I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow at 10am."

Funny how the little white lies spin completely out of control for me. Then, of course, it snows 2-4 inches in Seattle and school gets put on a two-hours late schedule, and I probably could have just skipped without repercussion, anyways. I feel bad about lying, and while Michelle and I were riding the chairlift, I wonder out loud how long it will take until I tell Steve about my rash story. I think once I've been teaching for a few years I'll have to track him down and let him know.

Skiing Thursday was unbelievable. Michelle and I got to the mountain right as it opened, and there were a dozen cars before us in the B lot. I usually park in the F lot. We had a foot of fresh powder all day long, and I had numerous turns in snow up to my knees. We hit the mountain hard in the morning, starting on Double Diamond, hitting the back side, Schim's Meadows, and the cliffs off 7th Heaven. We popped in for lunch, spent, and drank a beer and ate a slice of pizza. After a leisurely 45 minute lunch, we head back out and decide to do some hiking in the back country.

We take our skis off and start hiking the ridge on the back side. We pass a guy in his 40s on the ridge, who catches back up to us at the ski area boundary. Michelle asks where he is headed, and he says there is a really good section of trees just outside the ski boundary, but warns us that we have to cut over after about 1k vertical feet, or else we'll have a long hike back to the ski lift. After hiking the ridge for five minutes, a long hike at the bottom of the run is not what we're looking to do, so we ask if we can follow him. He obliges and introduces himself, his name is "Wolf."

The glades section is perfect. Untouched powder, trees 10ft apart--I couldn't have asked for a better run. The three of us end up doing the hike and tree run a second time before Wolf and us part ways. Michelle and I do a non-hiking run on the backside, then drop into Tye Bowl from the backside for the second time on the day. I had never dropped in from the backside before, and you have two options: a skinny, steep chute, or an easier tree section out to the right. In the morning, we did the easy way, but for the last run of the day, I decided to try the chute. There are a few rocks sticking up here and there, but it looks doable.

I jump-turn into the chute, and on my entry I clip the side of the chute with my ski tip and lose a ski. I tumble uncontrollably down the 50ft chute, losing both of my skis. When I come to a stop, one ski is with me, and the other is about half-way up the chute. Looking back up the chute I see that I've just tumbled over rocks and a little 3-5ft cliff. I didn't feel a thing on the way down, all I could think is, "shit! shit! shit! I have no health insurance!" When I came to a stop and still had control over my limbs, I was happy. Stupid and happy. Michelle was able to ski around the easy way and knock my ski down to me from the middle of the chute.

Before heading back to Seattle, we had another beer and some curly fries to complete an amazing day of skiing. We drive back to Seattle and even though she didn't bring a suit, we decide to hot tub at my place to make the ski day perfect. As we're drinking our beers and soaking in the hot tub, she lets me in on a little secret. Her family has owned the Denver Broncos for the past 20 years. !!! The first thing that pops into my head is the Simpsons episode where Hank Scorpio buys the Denver Broncos for Homer, and Homer groans as the players out on his front lawn bumble and stumble around. Apparently Michelle's grandfather founded Regent Oil, one of Canada's biggest oil companies, then bought the Broncos and when he passed away, the shares were split between his sons. Michelle's dad just sold his shares of the franchise to her uncle, who is apparently not the nicest guy in the world (and he's the guy that fired Mike Shannahan on New Years Eve, which was seen as a good, but kinda ruthless move).

An hour after Michelle leaves, Erin comes over and we hop in the hot tub. I've got one dream girl as a friend (Michelle), and I'm with another person who is a dream to be around, but I just don't see us working out long term. I'm confused to high hell. Saturday I head over to Andrew's parents house for my semi-annual hair cut. We talk a bit about the whole situation and Karen's advice is to be as truthful as possible. I agree, especially after the little white lie snowballed into a flesh-eating rash to get me out skiing on Thursday. When the haircut is done, there is enough hair on the floor to create a wig, so we take a picture that will be sent down to my dad in Arizona, who may or may not have a dime-sized bald spot.

Last night, I have a few people from the teaching cohort over for poker, including Erin. We have a really fun time. Erin gets knocked out first, and storms off, hating poker. I get knocked out second when I think I have the nuts with a flush on a paired board... Erin and I play some Wii tennis and baseball. I own her at both, and she is not happy. We go out back on the porch and talk, and she wants me to let her win at games. I tell her I'm not going to, because letting her win by playing down to her seems more insulting to me.

After poker, we play some drinking games, including 21, liar's dice, and asshole. I almost win my poker buy-in back by winning the $1 liar's dice game. Easy money with kindergarten teachers, they don't know math!

Eventually everyone but Erin leaves, and we head to bed. We talk, and completely open up about our relationship. She sheds tears about not being able to open up to me, and I talk about the weird and confusing struggle I'm having. I tell her that I really like the time we spend together, but for some reason when we're not together I think of reasons why we're not going to work out, and that seems weird to me. I feel like I should be head-over-heels for her, but I'm not. I tell her I can't give her 100% of myself, because I honestly don't know what I want. I don't want her to be in limbo, because being in limbo is worse than breaking up.

She likes me and hates me at the same time for being honest. We both think this is a conversation most couples have months or years down the road, and we're having it on our third week together.

And here I am, 12:30pm on Sunday. Still confused, but happy that I have told the truth and gotten things off my chest. Paper time, then another group of friends over for hot tubbing and Catan.

Whew.

Graargh!

About fifteen minutes before the end of tennis practice today, Sara gave me a call. We bumped into each other on Saturday for the first time in just under four years. She's in Med-school with a crazy schedule, so I just told her to give me a buzz if she wanted to get together for a drink before she leaves for Montana. From our chatting on Saturday, I was under the impression that she had another few weeks in Seattle, and would only have a day or two off between now and her departure.

I called her back once practice was finished, and she informed me that she had tonight off. We agreed on the Greenlake Bar and Grill for drinks after dinner, but before my racquetball with Tyler at 8pm. Sara and I talked pretty much non-stop from 6:30pm to five minutes before 8pm.

She's doing great, and has about 18 months left of Med school, before she becomes a doctor. She runs marathons in her spare time, which she doesn't have much of, and she loves to hike. She's had a couple so-so relationships since we broke up, and is currently in a long-distance relationship with a guy who is moving to Sandpoint, ID--which is where Sara will eventually be doing the surgery part of her residency.

She sounded like she had some reservations about losing the freedom of a long-distance relationship, but she's got her own place lined up through the school, so she'll still have her space. I mentioned that if Stacey and I had moved in together right away, we wouldn't have lasted two weeks! Sara's also got a bit more time off than she originally thought, but she's leaving a week from this Friday. She's on call tomorrow, and has the entire weekend off. She expressed interest in both hiking and seeing my Dad again before she leaves. She loves my Dad, and is loved back. I guess it is his weirdness that she likes, and the fact that he keeps her on the right track. I'm pretty sure he is constantly reminding her not to be "one of those money-grubbing doctors who makes me wait!" It is easy to see why he likes her, as she is pretty much proof that humanity can still do good.

Sara plans on coming back to Seattle after her residency. Her little brother and his wife Kristen live over near Greenlake, and they have a seven-month old daughter who Sara completely adores. I don't think she's going to stay away from that kid for very long, and she talked about wanting to have kids of her own right around age 30. That was always my ideal age for having kids too, but I understand you can't always plan those things the way you might dream them up.

We talked a bit about our old relationship, and how much fun we had together and how we never fought. We didn't even really fight when we broke up, although I do admit to acting very selfish and stupid. We talked once during our relationship about how our previous relationships had ended, and she said pretty much all of hers had ended well. She was still friends with a few of the guys. I didn't see how that was possible, and admitted that all of my ex-girlfriends were not friends, and not on my list of people to call in case of emergency. Another lesson learned--it wasn't them, it was me. Sara is an amazing person, who can remain friends with people who have hurt her, and she is someone that people want to remain friends with when she hurts them. I, on the other hand, had a bad case of indifference when it came to exes. I'm not sure I truly grasped that until talking with Sara tonight.

After a quick hug good-bye, and plans to meet again before she leaves for Montana, I raced over to Tyler's. On our way over to Sand Point, he was telling me about a new game he just bought, and how it takes place in Seattle. In the first act, the Kingdome gets blown to smithereens by the Russians. The game sounds fun, but...

I could not get Sara out of my head.

Why didn't I fight for her again? Why did I just let her go? I guess at the time, it didn't seem like a fight I could win (that God guy is a wily opponent). But instead of talking about it, or seeing if there was any room for compromise, I just walked away and let her go. At the time, our relationship felt like a lot more than just a summer fling, but that is all it really was. Tonight, she said something about skiing over in Idaho and Montana this winter, and I just assumed that we had skied together before, but now I'm not sure we did. I don't think we were still together when the white stuff started to fall.

It felt really good to whack that racquetball against the wall as hard as I could. I ended up losing to Tyler in both games we played tonight, 8-11 and 10-11. Beer before racquetball didn't help, nor did having my head in the clouds...

It's a Small World, After All

What an interesting day.

It started out with a drive up to Lake City, where the Exploder needed a cruise control service recall done. I guess the cruise control fluid is capable of leaking, which can somehow lead to instant death or something else just as harmless. The service job was free, and even though I was told I'd probably be there for an hour, the shop was empty, and I was back on the road in ten minutes! Not a bad start to the weekend!

I brought my cleats with me to the servicing, and I swung by Greenlake on the way home, to see if the Saturday pickup game is still going on. When I got to the park, it looked like the entire field was being taken up by youth soccer games. I almost gave up and headed home, but I decided the day was nice enough, so if no frisbee was happening, I could always jog around the lake or play some basketball. When I got to the field, I saw some huge orange cones being setup by a guy who looked like he might play frisbee. The cones we use are usually a lot smaller, but with all the foot-traffic, they've learned over the months that the big cones work much better to keep people off the field.

Frisbee players began to show up as soon as we grabbed a disc and began tossing. About the seventh guy to show up ended up being none-other than Alex Morrison, a fellow member of the FUCK IT club from November 2006-December 2006. FUCK IT was a club of four of us, Alex, Emily, Kristen and myself. To be a member, you had to be living with your parents and be unemployed. Winners, pretty much. You just had to be a cool winner to be in the club. We went out to drink on week nights and contemplated having a beer pong night at Kristen's place, but that never materialized.I also played tennis with him at RHS.

We tossed for a few minutes, and soon we had enough for a game of six on six. Minutes later, we began 7 on 7, which lasted for a steady two hours.

The second person I recognized at frisbee today, Boris, I played frisbee with in middle school. I remember him because he has a twin brother, Victor, who also played. They were two of about five Russian kids who attended Eckstein, so it wasn't a surprise that I remembered him and he didn't remember me. We talked for a bit and he verified that he was on the Eckstein frisbee team with me that won middle-school spring league (which was our 8th grade year).

The third person I recognized was a shocker. Joe Cater. He is the brother of my ex-girlfriend Sara, the one before Stacey. I really only met him once, maybe twice. The only time I remember meeting him is when Sara and I took a road trip over to Montana in the summer between my Junior and Senior years at UPS. We spent a night in Gonzaga, where Joe had just finished his Freshman year, and he had just moved into an off-campus house. Joe, his new girlfriend, Sara and I all went out to a well-lit grassy field and tossed the disc, because Sara had been telling Joe about my frisbee skielz, so the first thing he wanted to do was toss the disc! I remember that he could huck the beejeebus out of the disc, and we tossed the disc from one end of the field to the other.

The guy on our team looked a lot like Joe, and when I saw the Gonzaga shirt, I asked:

"Joe Cater??"

He looks at me quixotically.

"I'm Chris, Sara and I used to date a few years ago."

"Oh, yeah! How have you been?"

We got along great, and although I didn't think anything would be terribly awkward between us, I know that he and his sister are pretty tight.

When Sara and I broke up, we hadn't really had a single fight before then, and we didn't even really have a fight that night. She brought up religion (she's Christian, I'm nothing), and said how she needed a break, because she always envisioned herself in a marriage between herself, her husband, and God. I took the news pretty roughly, and even though our five-month relationship had been all peaches and cream, I pretty much gave her the cold shoulder from then on.

I think she envisioned us spending as much time together as we had been, but possibly talking more and making out less. But I was hurt, and I didn't want much of anything to do with her. We talked a couple of times in the weeks to follow, but I was always brief, even though I could tell that she was hurt too, and didn't intend for our "taking a break" to be like this. Looking back at things, I didn't handle the situation very well at all. I'm not sure I would have done it any differently at the time, but I've changed a lot in the last few years, and I regret the childish actions I took after our breakup.

So, Joe, Alex, Boris and I, along with 10 others are playing frisbee, having a great time. In between the points, as we walk back to the line to start the next point, Joe and I talk about what we're up to now and what we've done in the last few years. Joe has been quite productive! Bachelor's in Accounting, Master's in Accounting, and he passed the CPA exam this summer. He's working as a CPA for a firm downtown, and he also has a 7-month old baby girl, with the girlfriend I met that summer four years ago in Spokane. His now wife (I can't remember her name), is a 1st grade teacher on maternity leave, and they live over in Phinney Ridge.

I told him a bit about where I've been, and what my plans are for the next few years. I asked what Sara is up to, and he said she is doing a residency program at the VA hospital in Seattle. I guess she is working 30-hour shifts, and only has 3 days off from now until her return to Montana to start the surgery portion of her program to be a doctor. Then he remembered:

"Oh wait, she's actually jogging around the lake with my wife and the baby. She'll probably stop by in a few minutes."

Wait, what was that?

Talking with her brother is one thing, but Sara and I haven't talked or seen each other in almost four years, and we didn't leave on great terms! I had a chance to see her in November, because she still keeps in touch with my Dad (I thought I wrote about that in a post back in November, but it must have been in a private journal). She was invited over for dinner before my parents knew I'd be moving home for the holidays after Stacey and I broke up. In November, I wasn't ready to talk to Sara then, and I ducked out to Tyler's for the evening.

But today was a different story. I've had six months or so in Tahoe to find out who I am, and what I want to be. I'm on a very good path to become a teacher, and I've finally realized that being a teacher is something I can do for the rest of my life. When it comes to mind, body and spirit, I'm peaking in all three categories for I think the first time in my life. I really like where I'm at right now, and I like where I'll hopefully be a few years from now. Add to all of that a quick service job this morning, playing ultimate, and reuniting with Alex, Boris and Joe--bring on the ex!

When Sara, Joe's wife, and the baby showed up, they watched us play for a minute, then walked over to an open spot on the grass. She didn't wave, but I think she was probably a bit caught off guard, as I would have been if I hadn't expected her coming. She sort of ducked behind a tree and did some stretching while Joe finished up playing frisbee. Joe and I played two more points, then headed over to where Sara, baby, and wife sat.

Sara and I shared a hug, and all of the hostility from our last meeting four years ago was gone. It felt really good to be able to sit down and chat with her and Joe for fifteen minutes or so. We played with baby Jane in the grass, talked about what we're up to and just had a really nice time. I got both Sara and Joe's phone numbers, even though Sara won't have much free time between now and when she moves back to Montana, and Joe's got a 7-month old baby to help take care of. But, I think they'll be able to find a night or two in the next month to go out for a drink. Both Joe and Sara are amazing people, two of the nicest people I know, and I'm glad I was able to mend a fence today and start up an old friendship (and possibly add Joe to my basketball roster for the winter!).

Monster Sunday Post With Many Titles

Sunny Sunday #2, Ride Around The Lake #2, The Best of Independence, Best Time With Stacey, Stop and Smell the Roses, Giant Picture Dump, Ride to Fallen Leaf Lake, Three Porter Post--all could be appropriate titles for this post.

What a great day.

Through the years, I've found out that some of the most memorable days are the ones where nothing was planned--no expectations of great fun were made for the day--but through dumb luck or just getting out and DOING something, the day turns out to be memorable for years to come. I had one of those days today.

In fact, this weekend was just a great weekend all-around. I am doing what I set out to do in Tahoe finally, due in part to getting the ninja, and also the sunny weather. Any weekend where I'm out of the house more than I'm in, is almost always going to be a successful weekend in my eyes. When that includes a bike ride to a hot springs and a waterfall, and a bike ride around the lake with multiple stops, the weekend is a definite success!

This morning came sooner than anticipated, as I stayed up until 2am mostly due to the raging party going on. I didn't partake, and I wasn't really miffed by the fact there was a raging party going on, I just wasn't in the mood to get wasted. Whatever day it was last week, I think Wednesday night, when I had a few too many drinks, has me on beer-pong tilt. No more drinking lots of cheap beer for a while for me! About halfway through the party last night, Jen came and knocked on my door and asked if I had either drank or hid my Porters. I told her I hid them, and she said, "Good, because I was about to lay down the law if people had stolen your beers!" That was nice of her! I don't mean to be the dick that hides his stuff from his house mates, but when there is a party almost every night, I know that those Porters will be gone by morning unless I hide them.

So Ichi and I barricaded ourselves in my room until morning, then Ichi woke me up scratching at the door at about 8:20am. It was cool though, because I sort of wanted to get up early and make it to frisbee at 10am. I woke up, let Ichi outside, then took a nice, long shower. I meant to shower last night after my ride to Markleeville and 3mi round trip hike, but I didn't shower, and then the party started and the bathroom was in constant use. I didn't want to be aiding and abetting a puke or other bodily fluid episode in our house, so I stayed grimy. I told myself it was practice for my 4-night hike in the Sierras with my Dad in a few months!

I got all the grime off, then figured out what calls I needed to make from the fields before pickup began. I keep forgetting to get my insurance updated with the motorcycle, so that was the top priority. Secondary was to call the bike shop and see if I could schedule my 500 mile maintenance check up.

With some great advice from my Uncle John, I got Nikki started up before 10am for the first time. The problem I was having had to do with having the choke open and the throttle going. I guess I'm supposed to close the throttle when the choke is open to start things out. I was giving the bike too much gas, which killed it. I'm not sure if that is "flooding" it, but to my surprise this morning, not giving it gas made it start up. The true test will be tomorrow, at 7:30am.

Made it to Kahle for frisbee before anyone else showed up, and I gave Progressive a call to add the bike to my insurance. Surprisingly, my insurance ended on April 5th! They failed to notify me of this until I tried adding my bike to the insurance, and the lady said, "Hmm, I don't see that you have any active insurance plans with us."

WHAT?! So apparently I've been riding around for the last six weeks with no car insurance. That could have been very, very bad. The weird thing is that they sent a piece of mail on April 19th to my old address in Nevada City, which got to me--but the notification about my insurance ending I never received. So they had my correct address, but one piece of mail got to me and the other didn't. The lady I talked with on the phone said that since I changed states (from Oregon to CA), the insurance doesn't automatically renew. Would have been nice if I was told that earlier, but ah well. I let loose a miniature shit storm, but I was more interested in getting both the Exploder and Ninja insured.

As researched, the Ninja ended up being super-cheap to insure, at just over a dollar a day. The insurance I have just safeguards me from wrecking other people's stuff, or if an uninsured motorist crashes into my bike, but I'm not too worried about screwing my own stuff up. If that happens, it's my own damn fault, and I'll have to pay for it or figure out a way to fix it.

The insurance call ended up taking a good 30mins, and about halfway through Dirk and his German Shepard "Gellert" showed up. Gellert is a cool dog. He's being trained for Search and Rescue, and is one of those dogs with an Energizer battery strapped to his back. He does not stop running. We tossed the disc for a good hour (sadly, no one else showed up), and Gellert would race from person to person as we tossed the disc. He only showed signs of fatigue after Dirk and I were sitting down getting ready to leave.

Turns out Dirk has a free membership to Kahle Community Center through his work, so we hit the gym for a bit after getting bored tossing the disc. I wasn't in a big workout mood, and only lifted for about 10 minutes before investigating the basketball court--turned indoor soccer arena! A guy had put up little foot-high padded walls in an oval around the basketball court, making an indoor soccer field. Made me wish I was on an indoor soccer team. I played one round of IM indoor soccer at UPS and we got absolutely schooled--but I had a blast. I'm no good at soccer--terrible, in fact, but it is probably the one sport I am most interested in for the worldly aspect. I ended up spending a good 20 minutes hacking around a soccer ball, trying to kick it into the basketball hoop... with no success.

Cracks open Porter#2

After Kahle, I came back home for lunch and ran into Jen and George walking down to the beach on my way up the hill. Not really a blog-worthy run in, but just now as I went to go get my second Porter, I saw them out in the living room. They are burned to a crisp. Sunny and cloudy off and on all day--best time to get the WORST sunburns. Their faces really look like they might blister. Ouch!

I realized I hadn't called the Kawasaki dealership about the 500mi checkup, and I wanted to go for a ride, but I wasn't really sure where I wanted to go. I wanted to avoid the big hill down to Carson if at all possible, then I remembered that I still hadn't replaced my iPod earphones that Stacey cruelly broke while borrowing my iPod. Hah, jk, I pretty much ruined them, then she used my iPod and they finally snapped :) So, I headed to the Radioshack down in SLT. I found some cheapo ear phones. The reason being to listen to music while riding the ninja, I only have one of the ear pieces in while riding--and I can barely hear the music over the street noise, but it is nice to have something to listen to while I'm stuck behind a string of cars. Motorcycling with no music is a little bit like driving a car with no music--kind of odd--so I'm glad to have the tunes going.

I remembered to call the Kawasaki dealership after the purchase at Radioshack, and they are closed on Sundays, so I'll have to give them a buzz tomorrow or Tuesday.

I didn't have any plans for the rest of the day, so I decided to head up to Emerald Bay to test out the ear phones. I nodded my head to some Blackalicious while zooming up the road to the Bay. On the way, I decided to hang a left onto Fallen Leaf Road, which leads to Fallen Leaf Lake. It looked a lot like a road Stacey and I took a few years back for a day hike. The road was a bit bumpier on a bike than I remembered, but it was a good experience to see how Nikki handled the rougher road. And she did great!

Lots of cars along the road, and lots of hairpin turns, so it was good riding practice for me. I didn't have to worry about anyone on my ass, because when it comes to slow speeds and sharp turns, Nikki trumps all else! I passed a side-road that went off to the left that looked eerily familiar, but I stayed on Fallen Leaf Road. After a couple of miles, it came to the gorgeous (and relatively large) lake, and wound around the southern edge of the lake. The road was pretty cool, because there were houses up on the hill, then little docks on the lake-side of the road. There wasn't enough room for houses on the lake-side of the road, because the road was placed so close to the lake. Sucks for the home-owners, but great for me, because I had an amazing view of the lake for the entire time I roamed around the lake!

I crossed a bridge, and that is when it finally hit me that this WAS the place Stacey and I hiked down to on a day-hike. When I realized where I was, I just had to go the extra half-mile or so to the docks Stacey and I jumped into Fallen Leaf Lake at:



Not an amazing spot or anything, but I can honestly say that at the time she I jumped in the lake, then sunbathed on that further of the two floating docks--that just might have been the high-point in our relationship. For me, it'd be a toss-up between then, and our move to Portland. The Saturday we drove up to Tahoe from Sacramento marked the day after our week break from each other. What set off the week break was me being a very stupid me.

Stacey was living at the downtown house with Jeff, Joe and Amanda. There was a party going on, and I think Stacey was in her room (not sure if I had moved in yet--I don't think so) possibly steaming about something stupid Amanda was doing. Stacey also wasn't happy with me at the time (possibly because I just wanted to have fun and didn't want to deal with any drama--it has been a while, so I could be way off here). We had all been drinking a bit, not enough to go crazy or anything, but enough to turn the "good judgment" lever to OFF in my head. I'm not really sure what the conversation was, but I remember saying something along the lines of, "Oh boy, you don't want to tell Stacey anything, because she'll just use it against you later in a fight." Again, I'm pretty sure this quote isn't 100% correct, but that isn't terribly important. What was important, was Stacey standing in the doorway with steam rising from her head and eyes like the evil Bilbo Baggins when he wants his ring back from Frodo. She was not happy. She said something along the lines of "Thanks, that was nice." Then slammed the door to her room and locked it.

Oooooops. No point in making excuses, but in all honesty, the stupid remark was really just made out of spite for her being mad at me (and I'm sure it tied into the conversation somehow). At this point in our relationship, I still didn't understand why the hell she would get mad at me for apparently no reason--when in fact she was just angry with someone else. I didn't see the "I'm mad at Jane Doe, thus I am mad at everyone, including Chris" connection. I saw that as "I'm mad at Chris, and Chris has no clue why" and at the time, my silly logic would tell me "I shouldn't be treated like this, screw this, if she wants to be pissed at me, let her be pissed!"

Ah, learning!

Of course, once I am in that state of mind, taking jabs at her isn't far away. Of course, looking back, and looking at the situation from Stacey's perspective--it probably goes something like this: "Stacey pissed at Jane Doe//Stacey wants to stew by herself for a bit before talking about it//Chris figures something is wrong//Stacey doesn't want to talk about it//Chris leaves//Stacey wants to talk about it now//Chris is mad because he think Stacey is mad at him and won't tell him why//Chris says something stupid//Stacey is now mad at Chris"

I was terrible at alleviating any stress for Stacey during our first six months or so. The only serious relationship I had before Stacey was with Sara, who, completely unlike Stacey, didn't show her emotions. I had absolutely no clue how to deal with emotions. (dramatization) Before Stacey, if I ran over a dog, I'd think "Stupid slow dog," (/dramatization) I rarely ever cried (which hasn't changed much), and I generally was a very emotionless person. After Stacey, I realize that there is a place for emotion, and sort of like love, I feel like although both love and emotion can bring some very heavy bouts of depression, they are both worth it. When Ichi passes away, I will shed a tear. I'm not sure if I've ever cried for a cat's passing since I was a young kid. I didn't shed a tear when Tyke passed away, who was the first cat I'd known from birth to death, but while I was with Stacey I mistakenly found a picture my dad had sent me of Tyke, and I just bawled. It was sad, she was an amazing cat and I grew up with her. From the chest rubbing that made her shake her head like Ray Charles to her senility once Watson came around--she had a personality, and now that personality is gone.

Anywho, back to the stupid comment and Stacey locking herself in her room. I knocked for a while, said I was sorry. I wanted to talk about it. She (for obvious reasons) didn't. I can't recall what my line of thinking was, but it basically centered around "I must get in that room." So, what do you do when you want to get into a room and aren't big enough to bust down the door? That's right, you pick the lock. I attempted to pick the lock with a paper-clip, and was failing miserably. At this point, if I was Stacey, I might have kicked me out of the house and dumped me right there on the spot, in front of everyone at the party. She might not have been able to hear the door rattling because of the loud music.

Joe and Sean's friend (petite Asian who I can't remember her name for the life of me) saw me trying to pick the lock, and said, "need some help?" She ended up picking the lock for me, and I went into the room and laid down on the floor next to the bed. Stacey and I had a pretty interesting conversation after that! The conclusion we (she?) came to is that we should spend a week apart--no contact, and at the end of that week, see if we want to keep the relationship going or not.

That week took forever. I remember just being consumed with thoughts of Stacey from my dreams, to waking up, to all day at work, to going to bed. I wanted to make everything right, and I realized how much better my life was with Stacey in it. I really wanted to talk with her, but also wanted to respect her week--but I wanted to show her someway how much I was thinking of her. I think maybe Wednesday while she was at work I went to Home Depot and picked up a bathtub plug and a faucet handle for the bathroom sink--both things she didn't have and wanted. I didn't leave a note or anything. I didn't want extra credit, I just wanted to show that I was thinking about her.

On Thursday or Friday, I got a note from Stacey--I forget how long it was, and how much detail the note got into, but it basically said, "I planned a weekend, be ready to leave early on Saturday." So now, I might be confusing this fight with another, but I do remember not really being sure where we were at relationship-wise when we drove off on Saturday. I have a very selective memory, and most of the thoughts that got recollected today were from the actual hike, so forgive me if I butchered the part leading up to the hike, Stacey (or feel free to clue me in if you remember better?).

Porter #3

Stacey drove us towards Tahoe, and I remember feeling a bit awkward at the start of the trip, but we eventually got to talking about how much I hurt her by saying what I said. I was one of the few people she trusted, and by me saying, "Oh, you don't want to tell Stacey any secrets, she'll stab you in the back!" The trust started to vanish. She drove us to the Fallen Leaf Road, and we did, in fact, take that left that I thought looked familiar today. I think we did a mile or so hike up to Aloha Lake, smiling, talking, and feeding chipmunks. It was beautiful, and we were getting a lot off our chest. What we liked about our relationship; what we didn't. Why we should keep the relationship going; why we shouldn't.

I'm pretty sure Stacey had another hike planned out, but we saw a lake maybe 800 feet below us that looked really nice, and we saw a trail that led down to it--so we took it. We talked some more on the way down, and although there were a lot of things we needed to work on, it seemed like we both were willing to work for our relationship, because we both felt much better together than apart--evidenced by the week apart. I'm not when exactly we decided to keep the relationship going, but I want to say it was right around the point we crossed the bridge. I remember taking a few pictures there, and I'm pretty sure we were smiling.

By then, the narrow dirt trail we had been descending turned into a paved road with cars all over the place. And houses. I don't think either of us really expected houses on this lake out in the middle of nowhere (but we didn't come from the direction everyone else came from). We walked down a street that said "private" and saw an immaculate tennis court on the right, and a beach below on the lake, with plenty of "private" signs, and pine trees shading most of the picnic benches. We walked down onto the beach, but didn't really think that would be a good place to swim, so we walked further down the street along the lake. One of us saw the little floating docks, and egged the other to go down and jump in. Shortly thereafter, we were both in the lake, and it seemed like everything was going to work out. The feeling was quite amazing. We took a few pictures on the dock, each of us had a myspace or livejournal icon from that spot for a while.

A very memorable spot, without even realizing where I was until the bridge :) I took another picture of the ninja and the lake, just to the right of the dock area:



After strolling down mental memory lane, I buzzed away and decided to make loop number two around the lake. I have yet to get a picture of my favorite spot on the lake (or my second favorite), but after passing by both spots, I'm not sure it is possible to capture either spot going clockwise around the lake. Next time I'll go counter-clockwise, and be sure to stop at the two spots--and hike if necessary to get the shots.

That is another thing I learned today while on my trip around the lake. STOP. I want to abide by this motto all summer: if there is something I think might be worth stopping for, stop and check it out. It won't hurt to spend a few minutes to check it out, and it might develop into something amazing--like the Fallen Leaf Lake trip.

After zooming through Emerald Bay, I tried to adhere to my STOP motto, and stopped along the lake to snap a few pictures at lake-level:



OK, not every stop is equal! But still, even if all I get is one crappy photo of my bike, a tree, a lake, and some guard rails--that is better than nothing!

My next stop came after actually passing through most of Tahoe City, then remembering my motto, turning around and parking to check out the town. It is way too easy for me to get stubborn and think, "Gotta get home and upload these photos and write about Fallen Leaf Lake before I forget!" But, I did stop, and I saw a happy hour sign outside the River Grill. I didn't really know what to expect. The highway was groomed nicely and watered around the area, so I thought it might be a little too haughty-taughty for my tastes (and wallet)--and it was--but the happy hour special was amazing! Half-off appetizers, and $3.50 huge margaritas.

Now, let me tell you... I have been craving a margarita for literally MONTHS. Once I saw "Margar..." on the happy hour special on the menu outside, I just walked in. I was hungry, but didn't really care about the food prices once I saw the margarita on the menu. The 1/2 price appetizer menu reminded me of the Greenlake Bar and Grill happy hour special that Tyler and I always hit--I think they have a very similar happy hour deal. At the River Grill though, the happy hour special is only good if you sit at the bar. Kind of quirky, but it was kind of neat to have everyone sitting up at the bar--mostly all strangers to one another.

In case you can't figure it out, I haven't done much bar-hopping, or sitting at the bar for that matter. I'm usually with a few people at a booth. But I couldn't have had a better time. The two guys next to me were Harley owners from Tuscon, AZ, up here on a road trip. The bartender and waitress were joking around, and there was a baseball game and a soccer game on the two TVs (yay soccer!). I ended up ordering Smoked Salmon on Focaccia bread, for $6. It was amazing. Smoked salmon was another craving I've had for what seems like at least a year. I swapped stories with the two Harley guys for about 30minutes before I polished off the margarita and the smoked salmon, then headed out.

I walked around a bit to clear my head from the strong margarita, and snapped a few pictures:

1) River Grill, and a car which apparently has a forcefield of some sort
2) Zoomed out Tahoe Dam and little shack
3) Shack, NW corner of Lake Tahoe







The sun was going down, and it was probably around 7pm when I left Tahoe City, but I made a couple more stops on my way back to Zephyr Cove to shoot some photos of my bike and the lake: (sorry in advance if you have a slow connection, or hate pictures)









And to top off a great weekend, I'm sitting in bed with my laptop, a Black Butte Porter, and an Ichi cuddled at my feet. Finishing up this monster of a post and watching Hoy try to take down the FTOPS Main Event. Top prize is $336,000! I'll even do a little time table for my fellow poker blogger in hopes that it boosts his luck in the tourney:

9:00pm -- 79,215 chips; 83rd out of 264 remaining
9:01pm -- 108,415; 51 out of 251 (it's working!!)
9:20pm -- 115,565; 54 out of 201
9:35pm -- 98,665; 80 out of 163 (at the seven and a half hour mark--seventh break!)
9:50pm -- 121,915; 69 out of 142
10:10pm -- 97,455; 78 out of 114 (SHOWED THE HAMMER BLUFF!!!)
10:19pm -- OUT! aw nuts. 101st place out of 3,798 for a cool $1,899--not bad for a night of poker! 88 no good vs. QcJc Q spiked on the turn.

Freaky Friday Monster Post

Lots of ups and downs today, ending in a sort of blah feeling (but after writing this, a good feeling--go figure!).

I got up early, showered, and was excited to ride my bike into work this morning--but I couldn't start the damn thing! It is still chilly in the morning here, around 45 degrees, even though the afternoons are a perfect 70 degrees. I've done quite a bit of research this evening on starting techniques, because I really want to be able to ride to work. Also, if I can't start the bike in sub-50 degree weather, it'll pretty much be useless in Seattle.

Ended up giving up and drove the Exploder to work, bitching and moaning along the way. Made it to work to see a super-easy schedule, with the last patient showing up at 1pm. I wasn't scheduled to stay late, so it looked like an early departure for me. Then Chris (bossman) asked me if I wanted to go work down in Carson City today, because they had two people call in sick. I didn't hesitate and said, "sure! why not?" It meant working longer, but I could use a few more hours, and it would also give me a chance to swing by the house and try to start the motorcycle again.

I swung by the house and tried again, with no luck. Jen came home from running an early-morning errand (coffee?) and tried to help me jump the motorcycle, which turned out to be quite the trial. We were pretty clueless, staring at my instruction manual for minutes at a time, but we finally hooked everything up correctly and the motor turned over--then died. BAH! I get lots of wheezing, but no start in the morning. In the afternoon it starts up just fine. Maybe it needs a heater blanket??

I grumpily drove the Exploder the 25 miles to Carson City. I was hoping to have a big smile on my face from riding the ninja down, but things didn't go according to plan. Then, there turned out to be construction on Highway 50, which would have sucked for me riding the ninja. Big pot holes, big bumps--so in a way I'm glad I didn't ride the bike down to Carson. Like I said, lots of ups and downs this morning!

When I got to the Carson Clinic, I wasn't really sure what to expect. That clinic is the busiest of the five, and I didn't know how similar their check-in duties would be to SLT's. It turned out to be pretty similar, and I recognized a few familiar faces that work in SLT on certain days of the week. To me, the big difference between the two offices is first and foremost the staff. Pretty much a no-brainer that the staffs would have different feels to them, but I didn't know what to expect.

I worked check-in, while Donna worked check-out right next to me. She was a lot of fun and was cracking jokes all day long. I think she is in her late 30's, and talked constantly, including a bit about her kid with ADHD (wonder where he got THAT from?). She was bouncing off the walls most of the day, but it was a fun change. I don't think I'd like working there every day, but it is a fun little twist.

Another difference was the setup. They have a glass sliding window between check-in and the office, that for some reason the office staff liked to keep shut. It felt pretty awkward to me, but if the office wanted to joke around, it made sense to have the window shut. But to me, having the window shut just made for an unfriendly atmosphere to the patients. I tried to keep it open as much as possible.

The workload was a bit tougher, but for Carson it was a light day. The heavier workload was able to be handled by A) Not paying much attention to any of the information, and B) A much better filing system. At Carson, the medical records staff got most of the charts ready, then the front office just had to add profiles to the non-updated charts. Much easier than at South Lake. Part A troubled me a bit, because a lot of the things that have been impressed upon me as VERY IMPORTANT, Donna would just say, "Meh, we don't do it, and it hasn't been a problem."

I envied her attitude, but I'm pretty sure it is only acceptable because she's been there so long. Something tells me that a lot of people have to do a lot of work to cover her ass.

Teresa, the smoking-hot physician's assistant, made the day fun too, I won't lie! She seemed about my age, and looked like a cross between a Russian Bond Girl and my ex-Sara. Teresa talked a bit about her upcoming day-hike tomorrow to June Lake, which of course just made her more attractive. I pegged her to be around my age, but I'm pretty sure when Donna and Michelle were trying to figure out if they could actually be Teresa's mother, I heard her say she was only 18 or 19. A little too young :)

The funniest moment of the day had to be Teresa in our office, trying to have a professional discussion with a patient on the other side of the open sliding glass window. Donna kept messing with her, from behind, where the patient couldn't see. I had the side view, and Donna's combination of tugs down on Teresa's scrubs, butt pokes, and back of the knee pokes--and Teresa somehow keeping a straight face and trying to keep the conversation going unmolested was a sight to see. She'd twitch and flinch with each poke, try to keep her scrub bottoms above her waist, and swat behind at Donna, all while smiling at the patient and answering the patient's questions. Eventually the butt-poking became too much, and Teresa swung around and yelled at Donna to stop, but with a big smile on her face.

I stayed until about 4:30pm, and everyone was very appreciative of me coming down to help out. It was a fun change of pace, and I was on my best behavior for the new crowd. My attitude swung a lot today, but whenever my attitude swings I always seem to come back to the fact that I enjoy being a nice, happy person. I have my lazy times, and I have my mean times, but even though being nice usually requires more effort, I prefer it.

The big question that keeps popping up for me is 'what motivates me to be nice?' Today, I think the incentive was the introduction to the Carson office. I knew if I made a bad impression, it would get back to the South Tahoe office. In all honesty, I don't really care what the Tahoe office thinks about me, because I know they are desperate for help, and the chances of me being fired are slim to none. I like my job because of the free time it provides, but a full time job probably wouldn't be extremely hard to find. The incentive to be in the Tahoe clinic's good graces is for a few reasons. I don't want a sucky work environment, and I'd like some good recommendations when I move back to Seattle and start looking for a job. If that means taking over shifts, working longer than expected, working down in Carson--so be it. Time isn't a huge issue right now for me, and I have plenty of free time lying around (hence all the blogging!).

Onto the juicier side of incentive--to be nice in the presence of women I find attractive. Now, I have no clue if Teresa is already in a relationship. I can't help but assume she is, because she's smart, attractive and funny. Not knowing has its ups and downs. The mind can run wild... but usually I prefer to know as much as possible (in life in general). If she was closer to my age, and for sure single, I'd be a bit more excited~

Being single, when I meet a woman that I deem attractive, and think I have a shot with, my mind is like a fireworks show. I'm almost always happy, and my thoughts are filled with ways to show her what kind of guy I am and ways to make her smile and laugh. When I met Sara for the first time, it was playing ultimate frisbee at Jefferson Park during the first few weeks of summer vacation, the summer before my senior year at UPS. I knew that she went to UPS, and she was nice, funny and attractive--and played frisbee... can't get much better than that! The bummer came when I talked to Mike about her, and he also had the hots for her, and had already made his move.

I backed off for the next few frisbee sessions, until Sara called me on it. That twinkle in my eye had been missing, and she could tell. I hinted at not wanting to step on Mike's toes, then she said she wasn't interested in Mike, she was more interested in me. Of course, that gave me the biggest, shit-eating grin I've ever had in my entire life, because no one had ever told me anything close to that! The fact that I felt the same way about her was doubly amazing to me at the time.

(As an interesting aside, Stacey and I had a similar conversation ((albeit, online)) a few weeks after we started talking more regularly. She was chatting with lots of different people at the time, and understandably not paying that much attention to me. I fired up a game of Yahoo Pool and paid less attention to her. She noticed the slack of attention on my part and asked what was up. I told her that I would only put as much effort into our friendship as she would. I didn't really mean for it to sound harsh or spiteful, I was just being honest. Six months later, when we were a few months into our relationship, she confessed that this particular chat, and the fact that I called her out, gave her a lot more respect for me. I hadn't really related the two moments, but I'd say they were both very important parts to the beginnings of those two relationships.)

I didn't feel bad about stepping on Mike's toes since I knew he had no chance with Sara. In hindsight, it didn't look really good to swoop in, but I can't really see me doing anything else differently. Mike and I weren't great friends, and if I had to choose between the possibilities with Sara, or a friendship with Mike, it would have been Sara. And I think he'd probably think along the same lines if our roles were reversed. I hoped that I could be with Sara and still be friend with Mike, but that was harder on Mike than I anticipated. I think they only had one date, which was enough for both of them to draw their polar-opposite conclusions.

On a side-note, Mike also felt the need to point out that I am not religious--which is something that he found extremely attractive about Sara (that she was religious). Religion ended up being our one and only fight, which led to her suggesting we "take a break." I made up my mind that night that we wouldn't work. My actions were pretty harsh, but what she wanted, I could not provide (to put it bluntly: a three-way with God). Mike knew this from the start, and I shrugged it off. Part due to thinking he was jealous, and part due to me not believing religion would be a big issue (hah!).

As an epilogue (why not?!), Mike and I are still long-distance friends. He's never going to be a Tyler, Marc or Andrew to me--we're just too different. We play online games occasionally and joke around quite a bit. As for Sara, last summer when I was in Seattle having a hot tub with my Dad, he said that he still talks with Sara on a regular basis. They had gone on a few hikes, and she'd been over for dinner a few times. At first, this obviously weirded me out to no end. But after thinking about it more, it made sense. Sara was close with pretty much all of her ex's and their parents, and my dad really liked her. The BIG shocker of course was my Dad mentioning that, "Oh, and Sara let slip that the thing that caused you two to break up... whatever that was... is no longer an issue. I'm not really sure what she was referring to, but..."

Thanks Dad. You know I've been seeing Stacey for over two years, and I'm still seeing her, (at the time) right? I thought about it for a while, and it didn't really make any sense. My Dad said that she had seen a few different guys since me, but none of them seemed serious (his subtle hints were very subtle, wink wink). The only thing that made sense would be if she ends up marrying some guy who isn't religious, and doesn't want me to think she was lying to me at the time? I'm quite certain that she wasn't lying at the time of our breakup, and for her sake, I would hope that she doesn't sacrifice her beliefs and her wants for a relationship.

Exhale.

Well, it felt good to write all that out, but I hope way back up there that I explained well enough the amazing sparks I emit when the possible beginnings of a relationship start up. I'm not searching for a relationship right now, because I don't want anything to keep me from moving back to Seattle in September. If a situation comes up where a girl I like is able to travel, then I might go for it--but that is a long-shot right now. Also, I've been enjoying, and I'm looking forward to enjoying, a summer by myself. As much as I want to be up in Seattle for the summer with old friends and new, I know this summer in Tahoe will be an experience like no other (which is a big influence to blog as much as I have recently). And, there will always be more summers in Seattle :)

I wasn't really sure what to do tonight, so I hopped on the bike and grabbed a bite to eat, then headed towards Carson City to get some food-shopping done at Trader Joe's--but saw a side road I hadn't been on yet near Cave Rock. I did a U-turn and climbed the side-road to a few nice vantage points, snapped a few pictures, then headed home and began writing this.

Tomorrow is wide open for me. I called Dirk about going for a hike, but haven't heard back. Sacramento is calling me. I want to make a spontaneous ninja ride to go play frisbee there tomorrow morning, which I still might do, but we'll see if I can start the ninja with my newly learned ninja-tactics. If I don't hike tomorrow, I will Sunday--expect some pics :)

Speaking of pics, here are three from today:
1)Window-painting at a coffee shop near where I ate dinner
2)Crooked Bench (which looked a lot like a chairlift chair?)
3)Lake View #6