Sunday, August 01, 2010

Relationshit Interlude

This photo challenge has morphed my blog from writing to pictures, which I'm not entirely sure I like or dislike. On the one hand, most of these pictures instantly remind me of so many aspects of that particular week or trip. On the other hand, one purpose for this blog is to practice my writing and to become a better writer, and I'm not sure pictures are going to accomplish these goals.

Not being sure of things has been a common theme over the years for me, and this week was no different. I've had an amazing time with Caitie over the past six or seven weeks, we've done a ton of awesome things together and made a bunch of friends. We share more similarities than any of my past girlfriends. We met playing frisbee, we've been on a few hikes, we like to read the same books, listen to similar music, share the same humor... it was easy.

But something was missing. I'm not really sure what to call it, I guess a "spark" is the closest I have come. There wasn't much of a spark in the relationship for me, and it started to nag at me. Here I am, with a cute, smart, funny and athletic woman... the woman I thought would be perfect for me... and she wasn't. She's probably perfect for the rest of the guys in the world, but for some reason I'm missing something, and I don't really know what that thing is.

Being so comfortable with someone seems to sap the excitement out of a relationship for me. Having this happen less than two months into the relationship scared me enough to think getting out now is the best idea. Eerily similar to one of my first girlfriends, but opposite roles. We hadn't had a single fight, then one night she says she doesn't think it is going to work out. I was not angry that she didn't like me (she did), or angry because I really liked her, I think I was angry because it came out of nowhere and I really had no control. I was sad that she didn't think it would work, especially when I thought it did. I still like Caitie, but I figure being truthful about my feelings is the best option, because I really do not want to hurt her any more than I already have, later down the line.

It hurts now. I haven't been able to think straight. I don't like seeing people hurt, especially not when I'm the one inflicting the pain. I don't regret anything, I'm glad we spent the time together that we did, and I'm glad I was able to tell her how I felt this afternoon. I think I made the right decision, however much it sucks for now, but I'm not really sure.

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