Figuring Stuff Out

Being almost 28 and single, a lot of my time is spent thinking about relationships. My three close friends, friends since 1st grade, are all married. Two of them have young children, and I can't help but feel jealous of where they are at in their lives. They each have an amazing woman in their life to share their experiences with, and two have a clear purpose.

I'm jealous of my friends because they are in a position I wish I was in. I wish I had found a woman to share my life with by now. I wish I had a clear purpose, whether that be a child, the likelihood of a child, a spouse, or even a steady career. Right now I am single, without kids, substitute teaching, with very little keeping me in one place other than the gigantic fact that this is where I want to be.

I have younger friends who are traveling the world, and I wonder why I'm not doing the same. Italy, Alaska, Central and South America, Singapore--I would love to go to all of those places, and with a substitute teaching schedule I can go, so why not? One part of me realizes that I have already "gotten out" in my earlier 20s. I moved up and down the West Coast, living in Sacramento, Portland, Nevada City and Zephyr Cove on the shores of Lake Tahoe. I had an amazing time living in different places, and experiencing (slightly) different cultures than the one I grew up in. Eventually, I came to the realization that although moving around was fun, I really wasn't accomplishing anything, and I was ready to. I also missed my friends and family. My friends were settling down and starting families, and my parents weren't getting any younger. I wanted to spend my time with the people in my life I cared about.

So here I am in Seattle nearly three years later. I have my teaching cert, but my teaching career isn't off the tarmac yet. Friends are popping out babies, but I haven't found anyone to join that brigade yet. I'm in the odd late-20s stage where I'm not interested in short-term relationships, but also weirded out by thinking about marriage on the first few dates. I notice wedding rings now--maybe the first sign of "getting old".

This rambling on and on about life and relationships has pretty much been clogging up my head since January, but something clicked last week, which is still being absorbed into my thick skull. I met an old couple-friend of mine from Tacoma last week. Their wedding was my first ever wedding, back in 2005, and I hadn't seen them since. I looked them up on Facebook a few weeks ago (an interesting story in and of itself), and we watched Survivor together last Thursday night. It was a great night, and it was as if our friendship hadn't skipped a beat. They purchased a house in Seattle, and also have a 2yr old baby now. I was happy for them at the same time as being a bit depressed in my single, childless, non-house-owning persona.

And then I realized...

Dave would kill to be where I'm at right now. Marc, Andrew, Tyler... any of those guy friends of mine who are married and have kids or have purchased a house together with their spouse... they would all kill to have my life. Maybe just for a day, or maybe a week, but having the pressure of a wife, a kid, and a house all squarely on your shoulders, 24/7, that is a draining pressure. Seeing me rolling in on my motorcycle, having just spent the afternoon killing time riding around North Seattle, stopping at a dive bar for a burger and a pint. That is something I can do any day of the week. I don't think Dave has had the time to "kill time" for the last four years, what with house remodels and a new child.

It really just comes down to the old "Grass is Greener" adage. I would love to have a wife and a kid right now. My friends would love the freedom and carefree life I have. When I finally realized this, leaving Dave and Jenny's last week, a smile crept across my face as I put my motorcycle helmet on. I know sooner or later I'll find the right woman to spend the rest of my life with, we'll buy a house and hopefully have a child or two. That is what I want, but it doesn't have to be right now. I always thought 30 would be a good time to start settling down, so I'm nowhere near panic mode. Dad had me when he was 40! Plenty of time!

Until then, I need to live it up. This doesn't mean spend all my money traveling, but it does mean that I need to realize and utilize the freedom and carefreeness of my current lifestyle, because I know it won't last much longer.

I need to visit Alaska soon.

I need to get out hiking and camping as much as possible.

I need to plan ahead and take classes during the summer if I am not teaching, to work towards my masters and possibly a high-school teaching cert.

These three things are absolutely and easily attainable for me right now. If I had a wife and kid, imagine how much more difficult any of these would be. I could go to Alaska Air right now and buy a plane ticket for tomorrow if I wanted to. I'm not going to, because I have a fun weekend of camping already planned with friends! Not a bad life I lead right now, not bad at all, and I'm not sure why I've been having trouble seeing that these past few months.