Thursday, January 31, 2008

mmmkay? mmmkay.

Let's see... it has been 15 months since I last worked in an office environment, but this new job has the weirdest makeup of any office I've worked in. I'll start at the top.


I thought about counting how many times she said "mmmkay" today, but realized it would be both impossible and very, very annoying. Instead, I tuned her out. The woman thinks "mmmkay" has as many definitions as "fuck." Typical conversation with her might go like this:

Boss: "Chris!"
Me: "Yes?"
B: "Mmmkay."
Me: "...?"
B: "Mmmkay, can I ask you for a favor?"
Me: "Sure."
B: "Mmmkay."
Me: "...yes?"
B: "Mmkay, I'll need you to file these loans, but only after I take a look at them, mmmkay?
Me: "OK"
B: "Mmkay. So I'll let you know.
Me: "Alright."
B: "Mmkay."

She is a really great boss so far. As a judger, I'd say her biggest fault is that she is almost too nice to her co-workers. She'll do work for the underwriters if they get behind, which leads her to fall behind on her work. She spends time at the office on the weekend doing her work, and I feel sorry for her, with the amount of time she spends at the office.

I think I've also got a secret admirer. I'm 80% sure that the 50-year old lady who makes frequent visits by my cube, is also the one who stuck a "You're a cutie!" sticker on the chair I sit in at lunch. I'm about 90% sure she is also a swinger. On Monday I had a loan to give her, and I walked it over to her cube and asked her where she wanted me to stick it. "Hmm, where do I want you to stick it? Hmm..."

Gross. Now I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of the creepo-stick. I'm tempted to say, 'if you were 30 years younger, I'd hit it.' But I don't think that would go over very well. I'm also tempted to induce sexual harassment for a big payday, but I'm not that kind of guy.

The office also has a "dark side" and a "light side." They joke that one side is better lit than the other, and in some spots it is true, but there is also another aspect. The light side, which I am a part of, does all the work. The dark side goofs off and pretty much does nothing all day long. But they've been working here longer, and have a sense of entitlement. Bitches! OK, they do some work too, but they bitch about the workload and try to think up any reason not to do it. Luckily for the light side, they aren't very smart there over on the dark side. Also, the dark side gathers for lunch in the break room and watches "The People's Court" for an hour and they debate the cases all afternoon.

Yep, The People's Court. Or maybe it is Judge Alex. Whichever one it is where they interview the crowd outside to see what they would do if they were the judge. She shouldn't get a penny, cause' she was a stripper, and strippers are no good! Nah! She should get the money, that bum she was wit stole all her money! He's no good! Also, they interview the plaintiff and defendant. On Wednesday, the defendant rear-ended the plaintiff, promised he'd pay her for the damages, then neglected to pay the $2,000 bill. Not only does he think he shouldn't have to pay, he counter-sues for the $5,000 maximum for "harassment" because she kept calling his house. I wonder why she was calling your house, you idiot. On his exit interview, after being fined the full $2,000, he says, "Man, I was being a good citizen, I stopped and axed her if she was alright. I could have just up and left. But I stayed, doesn't that count for something?"


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