Monday, March 23, 2009

Rants and Raves

Squeeks is such a bitch. He is like the old racist grandfather with one leg that nobody likes, but he lost his leg in the war, so everyone puts up with his shit. Squeeks killed Ichi's soul. He didn't allow Ichi to eat until HE was finished eating. Now Ichi scarfs down his food and starts swatting at Watson until Watson leaves half of his food still in the bowl, fleeing in terror.

Ichi eats birds. He has eaten so many birds. And if not for Squeeks, I bet Ichi would just playfully toss the birdies with Watson out in the back yard. But Squeeks corrupted him, made him taste the flesh of animal, and now Ichi has THE HUNGER.

And that hunger came back to bite Ichi in the ASS yesterday. He climbed onto my lap and his entire ear was white. WHITE! What turns a cat's ear white? You fucking guessed it. Shit. Bird shit. The birds must have bukake-teamed up on his ass, because he could barely hear out of his ear. I think he was crying.

I just thought I would let you know how this bitch of a cat turned my cat into the whore that he is today. Speaking of today, Ichi was ripping a little bird to shreds this morning as revenge for yesterday. And I bet that is why Squeeks is smiling in this picture.

On the inside.

-your Ex


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Blogger DrChako said...

I love looking at the "Best of" rants on CL. It's been a while - I may have to check it out again. Thanks for the reminder.


PS. Got to level 5 on that stupid castle game. Must. Beat. 4th Graders.

9:26 AM  
Blogger The Wife said...

lol . . . I don't know if I've ever heard anyone refer to their cat as a whore . . .

7:07 PM  

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