Friday, April 06, 2012

Gossip, Umbrella, and a Prank Gone Wrong

Mavis glances at her cards one more time before looking around the table. Someone is surely pulling a fast one on her. She hasn't been dealt two aces since she was 75 and playing poker in South Lake.

Ernie, to her left, puts this poker game on every Tuesday night in his room -- 205. It might be him, but Mavis has been playing in this game for three years and she would have expected this type of prank would have come sooner from him.

Across the table is Deloris, Mavis's best friend in Smokey Acres. Deloris is capable of pulling a joke on her, but is falling asleep every deal, and is in no state to stack the deck in Mavis's favor, especially on Ernie's deal.

Clyde is the likely culprit. Sharp as a tack, and wearing his trademark bow tie, Mavis has felt Clyde had more than friendship on the mind since he moved into the home last year.

She plays it coy, looking for a facial expression from any of her three table mates.

"I call." Mavis says as she tosses two pretzels into the pot.

Smokey Acres strictly forbids gambling on the premises, so the residents have a well known currency of pretzels = $0.25, Werther's Originals = $1, and Thin Mints = $5. The girl scouts love coming by each spring, as the residents pounce to stockpile for the year, which are cashed out in early December by Tony, an ex-college football player turned nurse. Winning bettors often share their good fortune with their grand children via Christmas letter.

Ernie folds, Clyde has to wake up Deloris, who blindly throws in a pretzel "gotta see a flop" she sleep-talks, and Clyde checks his option.

Ernie flips over the first card, a red three.

"Dag gummit, Ernie!" Clyde says.

"What??" Ernie responds.

"You forgot to burn a card again, you sack of knobs!"

"Oh, what's that? Oh, suppose I did."

He turns over the three of diamonds and flips over the next card, a third ace. He also flips over a ten and a five to complete the flop.

Deloris looks dejected, and checks. Clyde bets a Werther's and Mavis eyes him sharper than a spoke on an umbrella when it is close to someone's head, eventually calling the Werther's. Deloris folds.

Ernie flips over a 6.

"Gosh darnit to heck, Ernie!" Clyde says.

"What's the matter this time?"

Clyde sets down his cards, rubs his aged hands together, blows on them, and then holds them out over his cards as if the cards were a camp fire.

"... forgot to burn again, didn't I?" Ernie says knowingly.

Clyde nods.

Deloris snores.

Mavis stink-eyes the whole table and neighboring county.

Ernie flips back over the 6 and reveals an 8 as the true turn card.

Clyde eyes Mavis, who is staring directly back at him now.

"I hear you bought my grand daughter out of Thin Mints last week. Why not save some for the rest of us?" Clyde directs at Mavis.

Ernie smiles.

Mavis growls at Clyde.

"You know, Thin Mints have always been a favorite of mine." Clyde says.

"Put your money where your mouth is, you old coot!" Mavis chimes in.

"She speaks!" Clyde says playfully. "Well, okay, I bet three Thin Mints."

Mavis quickly calls.

Ernie starts to peel off the river card...

"Burn and turn!!" Clyde and Mavis both same simultaneously, as Mavis whaps Ernie's hand with the back of hers.

"Ouch! Okay, okay!"

Ernie burns a card and sheepishly places a four of clubs out on the board as the river.

Clyde looks at Mavis and then lowers his gaze to her plastic tray full of Thin Mints.

"How much you got there, young lady?"

"You have eyes, use em'"

Clyde smiles.

"Well, I suppose you've got more than me, so I'll just go ahead and bet all of mine..." he looks at Ernie, "All-in, in case there was any doubt, I may as well make it official."

Mavis checks her cards again, still two aces. She checks the board, and there is still an ace out there. A ten, an eight, a five and a four.

Mavis sits back in her chair.

First time she has been dealt aces in ages, and she doesn't feel good about it.

"Come on, sweet heart, we haven't got all day" Clyde ribs.

Mavis glowers at him.

"Well, she's got to have something, or else she wouldn't be thinking so long" Ernie chimes in.

"One would hope so, but I don't think she has anything at all, she just doesn't trust me." Clyde says. "Look honey, your queens are no good."

"Show me an ace and I'll fold" Mavis says.

"Now, now, I play by the rules, you know that." Clyde responds.

"Play by the rules, my ass!" Mavis snarls.

"Come on sweetie, call or fold." Clyde says.

Mavis attempts to disintegrate Clyde with her eyes, but her dream doesn't come true.

Mavis throws her aces into the muck.

Ernie and Clyde both gasp.

"Ah hah!" Mavis says as she leaps out of her seat. She grabs Clyde's hand and flips it over, six-seven.

"You dirty, rotten, no good scoundrel!" She directs at Clyde.

"And you! You rooster-clucking, no-good fish-eating moon-howling duck!" She directs at Ernie.

"Whoa there! You can't turn over my hand, you didn't call!" Clyde says.

"To heck, I can! You two cheaters are going to get cut off once Tony hears about this!"

Mavis hits the alarm button on her wheel chair. Within a minute, Tony is in the room and asks Mavis what the problem is.

"These two cheats are trying to take me for all of my Thin Mints! Look at the board, and look! Bowtie over there has six-seven and bet it the whole way, you don't play six-seven like that!" Mavis shouts.

Deloris wakes to the shout.

"Oh, hi Tony, didn't see you come in." Deloris says.

"Now Mrs. Goodell, you know this game has its moments, and you know Clyde plays off the cuff quite often." Tony responds.

"Bull shit cuff!" She responds.

"Even if Clyde has the nuts, how the hell did you fold aces there?" Ernie says.

Mavis smiles, for the first time in weeks.

"Now sonny, who told you I had aces?"



Blogger DrChako said...

I think I played this game last night. I was Mavis.


10:16 AM  
Blogger GeneGinny said...

Writing from experience?

11:18 AM  
Blogger BrainMc said...

Good one. Keeping the creative juices flowing I see.

5:32 PM  

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