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Quite a few interesting things on my mind lately. I just got out of the hot tub and remembered a lot of conversations I've had with gf over the past few weeks. She is amazing, and particularly amazing at the way she can make me think about myself and do some self reflection. Last week she said that I am pretty hard on myself, which is something I had never really considered until she said it.

I think I am, and that is kind of weird to admit. I know through poker I've learned not to get angry on things outside of my control, so when that ace spikes on the river against my QQ v. AK all in preflop, I know it was a coinflip to begin with. It stings, I don't think anyone can deny that, but thinking you lost an 89% hand on the river, while technically you did, realistically it was a coin flip and you lost a 50% hand, big whoop.

I do get mad at myself when I play poker or any other game/sport poorly, and I had a good conversation with Tyler about this after racquetball this Wednesday. I told him how I was kind of laughing at myself and enjoying playing racquetball tonight, even though I was playing terribly. I had spoken with GF earlier in the week and said how I have a lot of fun at racquetball, but I've noticed that I am ALWAYS more chipper and talkative when I am ahead, and when I am losing I stop talking and focus on the game. This Wednesday I was down 0-8-9 playing cut-throat with William and Tyler, and I just kind of laughed at how poorly I was playing, instead of getting frustrated. I ended up losing 10-14-15 that game, and crushing them in the next game 15-4-2.

I was kind of surprised I made it to 10 in the first game, and I was just rolling in the second game, and I think my positive attitude had a lot to do with it. I also know how sucky it can be to play a sport or game with someone who is taking it too seriously, and I never really thought of myself as "that guy", but maybe I have been, and that is something I'd like to put an end to. I honestly don't care 90% of the time if I win a game, but I would like to play well.

Something about just sitting in the hot tub for 15-20 minutes is great for my creativity and productivity. I don't give myself enough empty time to think most days, I'm racing from school to video gaming so fast that I don't stop and think. Vow to think more outside of video game strategy or teaching! Two things I realized or re-realized tonight in the hot tub: 1) I am very happy teaching, I want to continue teaching regardless of where I am a year or two from now geographically; 2) I really love gf, and I want to make sure she knows this every day.